Tapping Red & Green

The return of the Tanzanite

When I think about the fact that even though we, His beloved children, are SO broken and sinful… His mighty power has been and is at work in us… this makes me look at my believing friends in a different way.  The first time that I was shown the formula (process) that had to occur for a Tanzanite to be created, I knew that I would never look at that stone in the same way again.  I often relate that process to His sanctifying process in a believers life.  It has allowed me, at times, to be enamored with my believing friends.  Enamored with evidence of His hand in their lives.  Neat.

I cannot begin to do it

“God will allow us to go on until we break our ignorance over some obstacle, then we are willing to come to Him as paupers and receive from Him. “Blessed are the paupers in spirit,” that is the first principle in the Kingdom of God. The bedrock in Jesus Christ’s kingdom is poverty, not possession; not decisions for Jesus Christ, but a sense of absolute futility - I cannot begin to do it. “

Oh my.  He keeps bringing me to that point.  Once I find myself there, I have a renewed passion for the grace that he gives.  In the past I have thought… “Ughhh why can’t I perpetuate this understanding of grace and coming to him with empty hands?  Knowing that ‘I cannot begin to do it’”?  If we did not go through times where He seems to be withholding, or where we seem to think that it is all up to us, how would we know what real love and his amazing grace is?  It is when the rug is pulled out from under our feet that we can taste the sweetness of his grace once again.  At once, we are at peace because we remember we can be.

Humbling

Not too long ago, a strange guy randomly came in and plopped down on a paint bucket in my studio to explain to me why he was so skeptical about
Christianity.  We ended up having an awesome conversation and he left.

I sat there in silence thinking… “What if I have no future as an artist?  What if the Lord only planned on me having a career in art up until this point just so that I could have this conversation with this man?  And what if some seed was planted in him through that conversation that does not take root until 25 years have passed?  Why does the idea of not being an artist tomorrow rattle my sense of self worth and identity?” 

That was beyond humbling, challenging, but also exciting.  To be reminded that He will be faithful to lead where he wants to lead.  If I loosen the airtight grip that I have around my own paintbrush.  He will protect it or take it away, but all for my good?  That makes me trust him with all things that are precious to me.
Again Tim Keller always says that He gives us the things we would have asked for had we known what he knew when we asked.

I could leave this world tomorrow having only lasted this long in order that I may have that conversation.  Who do I think I am when I start to idolize my process, paint, studio, my life here?  
I want to seek and know him as himself not him as him blessing me

Bring on the Trouble

“It takes a tremendous amount of discipline to live the noble life of a disciple of Jesus in actual things.” Oswald Chambers

So true.  Difficulties and trials are expected when we have extirpated ourselves from our comfort zone and have traveled across the world to find ourselves immersed in all things foreign.  When we experience difficulties while outside of my control zone, we find that it is much easier to constantly draw on his power.  We are prepared for it.

Then we come back to our normal existence.  Our situations are perfectly orchestrated in the way we find that is most comfortable.  Therefore, if anything is off kilter or difficult, something is wrong with our picture!  We tighten our grip on the control stick of our lives in order to get everything under control (ourselves) so that we can then rest in him once more.

The clinging, which happens overseas or in any situation where we find ourselves in a foreign place for a lengthy amount of time, should happen here.  It should happen in our offices and in our households and in our churches.  Bring on the difficulties, Lord.  We will tackle them like warriors, drawing on your power for the battle.  If I find myself rattled by my own difficulties, this is indicative that there is something wrong with what I am holding onto for security.  It moves me that he uses specific situations to draw me to himself.  He will teach us to cling to him.  Oh the sweet truth that He will not allow any child of his to rest until they are completely resting in his power, his love, and his peace.  He will convict and push and prod until we let go :)

When I let go, I find that it is actually sweet (delightful even) to walk with him through hard and dark places.  How can it be?  Such peace and joy CAN be relished even during trials.  Especially during trials.

“the Christian God came to earth to deliberately put himself on the hook of human suffering.  In Jesus Christ, God experienced the greatest depths of pain.  Therefore, though Christianity does not provide the reason for each experience of pain, it provides deep resources for actually facing suffering with hope and courage rather than bitterness and despair.”   Tim Keller

Philippians 4:4-7 
“Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again:  Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (NIV)

The wonderful Oswald of the day

Shut’n de do’

He will satisfy.  When I snap out of my “He-will-satisfy” amnesia, and get rid of the thing that hurts to leave behind, he proves (once again) that he can satisfy.  He will satisfy to the degree that the old lover of mine pales in comparison to the new intimacy with God which has now filled that void.  “Why don’t I feel close to God?”  “Why is he not revealing himself to me in a real way?”  Have I laid down the rights to myself?  If not, I have not truly come to him for life.  We tend to make it more complicated than it is.  If I am unsure… it is because I am holding back.  When I can see him, I have truly come with empty hands saying “Here is my life, do with it what you will.”  God is not a God of chaos and confusion but of order and clarity.

That thing that you struggle with but can’t seem to remove….  Crucify it and lay the thing down at his feet.  He speaks so clearly through our struggles.  The holy spirit works by speaking to our minds and hearts.  What you know (but sometimes rationalize) about your sin… that is his voice speaking.  I

I am learning more and more about how he speaks every day, as I struggle with letting go even when I know the sweetness that awaits me once I do.  We have got to replace it with Him.  Otherwise, there will be no healing in that place.

“The only way to dispossess the heart of an old affection is by the expulsive power of a new one…” Thomas Chalmers

Can’t give the devil that ‘ole easy foothold.  This reminds me of a familiar song… http://clemandsal.blogspot.com/2009/06/keep-out-de-devil.html

Morning thoughts inspired by this fabulous Oswald

full

How do we hand over everything, every relationship to him?  To identify with his interest in others before our own?  By being SURE of his spirit within us.  How are we sure of his spirit within us?

While in Africa, I had been witnessing amazing things and was overwhelmed at the Mamelodi people’s unwavering faith. Their understanding of the Holy Spirit challenged my own.  They had welcomed him in to every unresponsive place in their hearts and he had taken fire there.  They were illuminated.  Their speech as well as their thoughts were saturated in Scripture.  One girl named Babongile (who had been a Christian for only a few years) asked my friend Bev how long she had been a believer.  Bev told her “16 years”.  After the initial shock subsided andBabongile regained the ability to speak, she responded with “Do you mean that you have known Jesus for 16 years!?!???”

Do I understand his kingdom and know him in the intimate way that Babongile has come to know after only 2 years through complete abandonment to Jesus?  Does he reveal himself in special ways to those who abandon completely?  Yes he does.  If I am riddled with doubts and frustration, could the fact that I still cling to particular things for security be a reason why he is holding back an outpouring of his presence, peace, and assurance?  Yes!

One morning, I woke up (in Africa) with the agonizing heaviness of doubt and frustration.  I felt passed over, a vessel desperate to be filled with the Holy Spirit in the way that they were.  I realized that my prayers had been so vague.  How could I expect him to work specifically if I was not praying specifically?

I was whiny in prayer that morning.  I asked for the Lord to wow me with a direct answer to a direct question and for him to do it THAT night.  I asked for him to send me an answer in the form of a conversation regarding the holy spirit issue.  I was praying for him to place it on somebody’s heart (from our group) to speak to my questions about how the Holy Spirit works and how I could experience that fullness, without my prodding.  That very evening, an amazing woman stood beside me at the fire (while we were grilling) and began speaking about how she had recently experienced such frustration and sorrow, feeling “passed over” by the Holy Spirit.  She told me that we are vessels who are made to be emptied and filled.  We cannot be filled if we are not ready to recieve.  Why would he pour into a life that is not welcoming his presence by saying “Lord, in response to what you have done for me, here I am… take my life!” When she realized that it was because her heart was not “ready to receive”, she let go, abandoning to him everything that she was holding back.  Wham, she had an experience so precious that it would be inappropriate to write about without her consent.  Side note:  I had never had a conversation with her before this.

I have since learned that same lesson.  I know what it is like for him to pour out his spirit once I give in and let go.  (It is amazing that we still have amnesia… we’re so very human.  Its a good thing that he knew ALL that we were capable of and died for us anyway :)  I also find that it moves me to know that this is what he desires!  My whole heart, mind, strength…

My life!

When I abandon, he can pour out his sweet presence into my life, an empty vessel….

“Whenever the Holy Ghost sees a chance of glorifying Jesus, He will take your heart, your nerves, your whole personality, and simply make you blaze and glow with devotion to Jesus Christ.” OC

Bring on the fire

How amazing it is that all of our good things, treasures, and pleasures are only temporary.  The only thing that we can have or experience which will be taken into eternity are the refining work of the holy spirit in our lives.  When we let go completely and allow him to work, he will.  Those changes connect us to eternity.  The growth (becoming more and more like him) is a concomitant of his work in our lives once we release that control.  That work is the only thing that we will carry into eternity!  If I live at the gym in preparation for an upcoming triathlon, I may be making deliberate changes to my body so that I can successfully run a race.  However, those changes will not last.  I can dive into the study of geology so that I will not be fooled into buying an ersatz representation of a Tanzanite when I finally make the trek to Tanzania.  That knowledge will not last.  Only becoming more and more like our Lord… the refining work of the Holy Spirit in our lives… only that will last. 

Let’s go to him with empty hands.  What is he prodding me to let go of?  I know exactly what those things are.  I’m jumping!

Loved the Osy this morning